Shia LaDouche.
Let this be known that I absolutely despise Shia LaBeouf. I liked him all the way up to Disturbia, and after that he had a special reservation in hell. I don’t know what triggered my hate for Shia, maybe it was Transformers, or Wall Street 2, or maybe even his role in New York, I love you. Who knows? All I know is, dude is softer than a wounded unicorn being sung back to life by Drizzzzzy.
You see, Shia has everyone fooled. He acts in these movies but he isn’t ever actually there. In Transformers, it is more the CGI and stunt doubles, and then we see Shia at the end of the fights staring off into the distance. This is what he has been doing since one of my top 20 movies, Disturbia, came out. With the exception of Wall Street however, he was in that a lot but the movie was never about HIM. It was more about reviving Michael Douglas’s career and using Shia as a stepping stone.
Now we have to think, why is Shia so big? What has he done since 2007? 4 movies. 3 Transformers and Wall Street. Now he has a new movie coming out called Lawless that I can already pretty much predict what’s going to happen. I just don’t understand the Shia hype. Had he not have been Louis Stevens, would he be so big right now? Then we have to think, how much left does he have in the tank? He still looks 18, I’m not going to buy him as a 35 year old home owner with a wife and kids. I refuse to do that.
Apart from being a mediocre actor (except in A Guide To Recognizing Your Saints), Shia is also a mega douche muncher. Whether he is drinking and driving, drinking, or drinking and fighting, he finds a way to douche up his image. It’s like, bro, you’re LOUIS STEVENS, you’re Stanley Yelnats, you’re Kale from Disturbia, you’re a wannabe artsy hipstaaaa, you’re a child actor who is trying to be a serious actor. Shia wants to project this bad ass image while at the same time trying to be the “professional”. Which is what makes him a giant bag of douche.
Until Shia LaDouche makes a movie that requires ACTING, he will have that special place in hell alongside Robin Williams, Tom Cruise, Kristen Stewart, and Zac Efron.
I’m sexxxy and I know it *bass drop*